Creating good Relationships

Are you Losing Contact with your Teenager?

If you’ve been feeling that you’re losing contact with your teenager you’re not alone!  Parents often worry that they’re losing contact with their children as they hit their teens. Suddenly it seems as if your teenager has outstripped you and left you behind. You have just been relegated to the category of “The older generation” and it stings.

But there are ways to re-establish contact and to re- affirm and even strengthen your relationship with your teenager.

Of course, it’s a difficult period but you can get through it provided that you let go of the reins and allow your teenager to find himself on his own.  After all, isn’t that what you did? So without being obtrusive be sure to be ever-present.  Let your child know that you are always waiting in the background to support and advise him whenever he needs it.  But make sure that it really is the background. Provide a strong and positive presence but be careful not to intrude.

Attune your ears so that you can hear and listen to the silences. This is not quite as strange as it seems.  What it means is that you should make yourself aware and sensitive to the real but unspoken needs of your child.

Hear the unspoken words.  See the hidden signs.  Be receptive to the often brash signals that he sends out hoping that you will understand their underlying meaning.

And most importantly – be ever ready to understand that what he is saying is the exact opposite of the message that he is trying to convey.

And when you really want to know how he is coping, take a look at his handwriting. Has it changed a lot in the past year or so? Pay particular attention to the slant. If his handwriting is beginning to lean backwards it means that he is starting to look inward.  If it is extreme, it could be a sign of withdrawal and it’s important for you to know this.

If the slant is varied and mixed, he could be feeling confused.  And then of course, the lower loops will tell you a lot about his changing hormonal development.

It can be very enlightening to watch the development of your adolescent child through his handwriting.  But above all, it can give you some valuable insights that will come in very useful while trying to understand him when all else fails.

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